Saturday, May 30, 2009
I was on a Gay Forum site that discusses various topics and I happened to come across a thread started by an individual who seemed to be a little vehement in expressing his distaste for Black Men and White Men dating each other. This is what he had to say:
"I know people inter racially date all the time , either it be gay, straight, men, women, whatever ..... I can tolerate interracial dating and although black men have the highest rates of inter racially dating, I can still tolerate it to an extent BUT not when it comes to black guys dating white guys. I guess the issue is further and I'll explain why ..... firstly, slavery. slavery being that it was the white mans territory to fulfill his hatred and jealousy of black men and even have his way with black men sexually and forced.. utterly disgusting.. during slavery, Slave masters used to Castrate black men (means cut their dick off) CASTRATE BLACK MEN ! It's so sickening... with all the years of abuse and torture, it's so demeaning to see a black guy with a white guy fulfilling his Mandingo fantasy's ! When I see white men lusting black guys I think "your white male ancestors were beating the shit out of black men and castrating them and now you want his 'big black d#*k" ... it's so demeaning because of the relationship and history in America between black and white males... even til this day, the white man still holds black men down and I hate that sh*t, that's why interracial dating between white and black guys is just so degrading in my eyes to black men.... you can agree with me or not, but this is just the way I see it"!!!
I found this to be ignorant to the point that it was almost Metaphoric so I replied to his post with:
"Wow!!!! How many different ways are Brothers like you gonna milk this topic?!!! Okay, you don't approve...you have a right to your opinion, however, we can't hold people accountable for the actions of their ancestors..only their own. Personally, as long it's 2 consenting adults, I don't give a damn what color they are. What people choose to do in their bedroom is their business and nobody Else's. While your spewing the bitterness of Christmas past..they're living and loving and not bound up by bigotry. Who can blame Whites for having "Mandingo Fantasies"? I love the fact that Brothers are at the Top of the list for sexual prowess and satisfaction, therefore desirable to ALL races..even our own!!! We've come a long way Baby, Highest paid Hollywood Actor- Will Smith
Highest Paid Pro-Golfer- Tiger Woods. Highest paid Talk show Host- Oprah Winfrey. President of the United States- Barack Obama!!! We are no longer slaves and we have the right to to exercise our freedom to screw who we want (provided that it's legal and safe)!!! You should stop being a slave who is whipped and chained to your refusal to acknowledge our progress. Even if my Great Grandpa was a serial killer...It doesn't make me guilty of murder. I suggest you dig deeper because I suspect there's a larger systemic dysfunction at play...Live and let live....Yes We Can"!!!
As usual...I end with...this is all just my point of view. We can not justify Racism in this day and age. Just because we are African American, Jewish or even Klingon for that matter doesn't mean there's an "entitlement" to be bigoted or biased based on one's skin color, nationality, sexual preference or religion. I despise double standards. If we don't want to be judged..then we shouldn't judge anyone ourselves.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
It all started when I turned on my PC and my Yahoo Instant Messenger contact list popped up automatically signing me in when the reality of of my social life punched me right in the gut.
Somewhere in the midst of this new age that we're in, this world of Social Networks like, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Linkedin, E-Harmony. Adam4Adam and other dating and/or Sex sites....we've lost sight of a very important aspect of American culture..meeting people face to face the good old fashioned way. He would be in the produce section in Pathmark, picking through tomatoes to find one without bruises for his Roast beef and Pepper Jack on Whole Wheat and she would would be searching for the perfect bag of apples that were just the right color to use as the main ingredient to her Grandma's famous Apple Pie recipe for Sunday dinner dessert. They would back away from their respective sections and accidentally bump into each other. He would stutter and smile as he apologized and she would demurely let him know that it was okay. This would subsequently lead to slightly uncomfortable small talk eventually giving way to light-hearted banter, laced with lingering eye contact or a subtle touch that lasted a second too long. In the end they exchange numbers and eventually....he takes her out to Dinner and a Movie.
One Date leads to another (if the first date was good) and the two get more comfortable and they eventually end up in bed. If the Sex is good and they're compatible...this leads to more sex and sometimes even love.
In recent times, chance encounters like this have become the exception rather than the norm.
Nowadays it's more common to log into a site, view a profile offering a persons stats (Height, weight, race, religion, interests etc.). If the "Member" finds these stats appealing they express their interest (In many different ways, depending on the site and the individual) to the person whose profile they've "scanned" or "thought was really Hot"!!!
The ritual continues when the other party receives this notification and in return "Scans" their admirer. If they're not interested...with the click of a button (or no action at all). They convey their lack of interest (in some cases disgust), However, if the opposite occurs and they reciprocate the attraction , It leads to a series of spasmodic correspondence between the two. She says she's 10 lbs. lighter than she actually is and he adds an inch or 2 to his height. They both swear they have to have the other and begin fantasizing about the Movie themed eventual meeting (for her: "When Harry Met Sally", for him: "9 1/2 Weeks"!!!
Soon they meet... One always tends to find nothing but flaw, meanwhile the other overlooks the obvious embellishment to certain physical attributes. In some cases (RARELY) the couple end up the same way the first pair in the Supermarket does...Blissfully happy (or at least comfortable with one another to some degree) but more often, they are quick to give up on trying to make something of this "not so random" pairing.
I believe that this is due to how easily they can dismiss their date, log in again, and go back to the old drawing board. The Internet has removed the natural progression of things by reducing people to screen names and their stats, whereas once upon a time...people would attempt to work through differences of opinion while learning to agree to disagree. Learning what makes the other "Tick", growing towards a rewarding co-existence with one another.
Some of us have become accustomed to deleting someone from our friend list and essentially..our lives. We look for perfection where once upon a time we only wanted compatibility.
My question is...while we "delete" people in search of that perfect, exquisite, supreme human being..what the Hell are we offering? Who are we to demand rock-hard abs as we lug around a spare tire? insist on someone with a 6 figure salary and yet you're behind on various Utility Bills? Wanting the Model on the cover of "Vogue", "Essence" or "G.Q." when we barely make the cut for the cover of "Soldier of Fortune" or even "Readers Digest" for that matter?
I miss the old days of realistic (but not lowered) expectations. The days when relationships were based on how well we communicate, the things we have in common, physical attraction (of course) and just plain old liking someone who you can very well grow to love. If it didn't work out...we got dressed, got up, got out and socialized...maybe even bumping into that "special someone" in the produce aisle again. The truth is, I doubt we'll ever find anything worthwhile if we don't work at it. While we're busy "deleting" possible happiness in search of Nirvana...we are also deleting the chances of finding someone we can truly be happy with. What our parents and everyone had before Internet Dating. In closing...who are we to expect flawlessness when we don't have it to offer. Just something us "Internet Dating Aficionados" should give a little thought to. as usual...this is just my point of view.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
I was talking to a close friend of mine today and she shared that she had gotten into a "feel space" about some of her other friends. Apparently she's going through a transition (which most of us go, through, sometimes repeatedly, after 30). Where one evaluates their accomplishments, shortcomings, family hierarchy and of course love and friendship.
Throughout the years I've formed what seems to be like hundreds of relationships.. be it friends, family, colleagues and what I believe can be the most traumatizing....lovers. I've experienced (and sometimes still do) the desire to actually "will" a relationship into a bond that will always be pleasant and last forever, only to come to the disappointing realization that it won't.
It seems that whenever I placed that "BFF" badge on someone, there's an unrealistic expectation that I'd place on the poor fool, and as I've learned where there are expectations..make room for disappointment (there goes that word again)!!!
Moving along, some of you can identify with the euphoria of falling in Love (romantic relationships) just having that unwavering belief that "This is the one"!!! Only to subsequently realize that indeed they are not. Knock down drag-outs with parents and siblings are usually also incorporated into the heartburn inducing pot of "Relationship Gumbo" we've been brewing for years. Sometimes we wonder, "Is it my fault that these bonds are often tarnished or in some cases broken"?
After over 2 decades of this recurring "wet, lather, rinse and repeat", in a long awaited moment of clarity, (some moments last longer and are more revealing than others) I finally had an epiphany or a breakthrough if you will.
The startling revelation that I had was...this is the way it's supposed to be!!!
Everyone that has ever come into your life was placed there for a reason. Each relationship is designed to teach us something, no matter how trivial the lesson may be, They are ALL important. It takes more than one failed love (sometimes many) to mold us and shape us into individuals who are equipped to give and receive love. I've learned something from EVERY lover..even if the lesson is merely learning what I don't want in a lover. Our friends are not placed on this earth to do our bidding and "Yes" us to death. They're barometers that can see in us what we often don't see in ourselves. It's human nature to want love in our lives, however, we have to understand that when we form bonds with someone that they are just as complex and individual as we are. Not all relationships are meant to last forever. Sometimes we're just meant to hold a hand down a particular path and let go at the end of it until someone comes along to lend a hand down the next one. None of our past connections were a waste of time unless you didn't derive the valuable life lesson or opportunity to grow that's attached to it.
Embrace who you are as an individual, love yourself, accept yourself. Eventually you'll find that loving and accepting others for who they are have become second nature. The payoff is....you form bonds and friendships that are with you through many paths and the "walk" becomes more interesting. Be fair and open minded...this way you learn the most about yourself, the person with whom a lasting relationship with is the most important. I accept you, I embrace you....in doing so, I embrace Me!!!
Friday, May 15, 2009
I'm gonna start this off by saying that 2009 has so far been a year of progress and positive change.
We have a new, African American (or at least mostly) President. Gay marriage/Civil unions are being made legal at a rate some of us would never have imagined possible and intercultural cohabitation has reached a "This Land is Our Land" level of comfort.
Imagine my disappointment when Beauty Pageant (Miss California) winner, Carrie Prejean begins spewing ignorance, bigotry and discriminating comments within her highly publicized speech(Which by the way was supported by Bad Hair Day Spokesmodel, Donald Trump),She made statements that speak harshly against Gay marriage and gays having the right to adopt children. Adding insult to injury, she iterates (with a Shit-eating expression) that the President, (Barack Obama) shares in this belief.
I couldn't help but instantly feel a strong dislike for this woman who has become California's celebrated Village Idiot. She later goes on to say in a press conference (which aired later) that if Americans share this belief with her, as long as they say "no offense" it's okay to say it. (WTF)?!!!
Carrie Prejean then not only reiterated that Obama shares this outlook but Secretary of State Hilary Clinton as well. Let me just say that if the American Majority had this narrow minded point of view, there wouldn't be an African American President or a female Secretary of State!!!
Miss Prejean has been foolished dubbed as the "Biblically Correct" Miss California yet what seems like minutes later, out comes her "See my Tits" photos!!! Where in the Old or New Testament is that Biblically correct?!!
She then goes on to insult ALL Americans by blaming the exposure of her breasts on the wind that day, claimimg she didn't know those photos were being taken...yet it's painfully obvious she proudly posed for them. If she's opposed to Gay rights ...that's okay. I just find it reprehensible that she uses a public platform to promote and "recruit" others to join her in that belief. It's toxic and sets us as a country back at least 30 years. I have faith that this socially retarded idividual (Prejean) is gonna end up being reduced to nothing more than SNL/MadTV spoof material.
I've posted several links on Twitter that point directly to Prejean's, inconsistency, dishonesty, hypocrisy and stupidity. Another beautiful aspect of the progress we've made in America is to project our voices throughout the world via internet. Her freedom of speech is also freedom for me. Let's continue to grow in our tolerance, understanding and even appreciation for those who are different.This is America...Carrie Prejean should be viewed as nothing more than a typographical error or a faulty stitch in this beautiful "American Quilt" that we all (Knowingly or otherwise) contribute to. Let's keep moving forward as a whole and really become one nation under God.