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Saturday, May 16, 2009

Love and Friendship

I was talking to a close friend of mine today and she shared that she had gotten into a "feel space" about some of her other friends. Apparently she's going through a transition (which most of us go, through, sometimes repeatedly, after 30). Where one evaluates their accomplishments, shortcomings, family hierarchy and of course love and friendship.
Throughout the years I've formed what seems to be like hundreds of relationships.. be it friends, family, colleagues and what I believe can be the most traumatizing....lovers. I've experienced (and sometimes still do) the desire to actually "will" a relationship into a bond that will always be pleasant and last forever, only to come to the disappointing realization that it won't.
It seems that whenever I placed that "BFF" badge on someone, there's an unrealistic expectation that I'd place on the poor fool, and as I've learned where there are expectations..make room for disappointment (there goes that word again)!!!
Moving along, some of you can identify with the euphoria of falling in Love (romantic relationships) just having that unwavering belief that "This is the one"!!! Only to subsequently realize that indeed they are not. Knock down drag-outs with parents and siblings are usually also incorporated into the heartburn inducing pot of "Relationship Gumbo" we've been brewing for years. Sometimes we wonder, "Is it my fault that these bonds are often tarnished or in some cases broken"?
After over 2 decades of this recurring "wet, lather, rinse and repeat", in a long awaited moment of clarity, (some moments last longer and are more revealing than others) I finally had an epiphany or a breakthrough if you will.
The startling revelation that I had was...this is the way it's supposed to be!!!
Everyone that has ever come into your life was placed there for a reason. Each relationship is designed to teach us something, no matter how trivial the lesson may be, They are ALL important. It takes more than one failed love (sometimes many) to mold us and shape us into individuals who are equipped to give and receive love. I've learned something from EVERY lover..even if the lesson is merely learning what I don't want in a lover. Our friends are not placed on this earth to do our bidding and "Yes" us to death. They're barometers that can see in us what we often don't see in ourselves. It's human nature to want love in our lives, however, we have to understand that when we form bonds with someone that they are just as complex and individual as we are. Not all relationships are meant to last forever. Sometimes we're just meant to hold a hand down a particular path and let go at the end of it until someone comes along to lend a hand down the next one. None of our past connections were a waste of time unless you didn't derive the valuable life lesson or opportunity to grow that's attached to it.
Embrace who you are as an individual, love yourself, accept yourself. Eventually you'll find that loving and accepting others for who they are have become second nature. The payoff form bonds and friendships that are with you through many paths and the "walk" becomes more interesting. Be fair and open minded...this way you learn the most about yourself, the person with whom a lasting relationship with is the most important. I accept you, I embrace doing so, I embrace Me!!!


  1. I live for your writing! So very insightful!

  2. See I can so agree with your point of view and it is kinda of hard to believe that you really are meant to intertwine with everyone you meet cause even if you don't want to admit it some relationships leave you with a bad taste in your mouth in more than one way, whereas other leave you wanting more some are meant to teach you how to avoid others like them.Whatever your experience may be try not to end up in jail because of a bad taste left in your mouth just go get some mouthwash and start a new day,

  3. I really feel what You are talking about...I as usual was in a relationship that I really believed that this was it...I felt that this was my true soulmate..and for awhile it seemed to be that way until she turned on me for her sister...I know Blood is thicker than water but it's the ignorance of the whole situation that has hurt me to the core this time..I now see that trusting another human being is a very sensitive choice and because of my past I have always stayed open to love...My question is..How long do I have to go through all this pain?..God has always seen me through and I know he hasn't abandoned me..but these hurtful feelings are killing me...Pray for me...Peace..

  4. Hello Brother Rudy. After reading your post, I was incline to reply just to say that you somewhat answered the question yourself. To have a meaningful relationship with someone requires that you do two things, 1. Make sure that you fully UNDERSTAND THE PERSON FOR WHO AND WHAT THEY ARE. 2. MAKE THE "CHOICE" TO ACCEPT THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE, NOT FOR WHO YOU WANT THEM TO BE. In doing those two things we will be more realistic when making demands, or having expections that the individual cannot reach or fulfill. Furthermore, We must understand that it is not anyone's responsibility to make us happy, or to feel joy. They do what they do for us, and again we make the "choice" to be happy or not with it. I have found that when I turn over the responsibility of my Happiness to other's I always lose, and when I have a hole inside of me, I cannot use people to fill it.....One Love, George P.

  5. I love your writings Rudy. You write on the things I say and feel. I am a follower of your art for life.