Saturday, May 16, 2009
Love and Friendship
I was talking to a close friend of mine today and she shared that she had gotten into a "feel space" about some of her other friends. Apparently she's going through a transition (which most of us go, through, sometimes repeatedly, after 30). Where one evaluates their accomplishments, shortcomings, family hierarchy and of course love and friendship.
Throughout the years I've formed what seems to be like hundreds of relationships.. be it friends, family, colleagues and what I believe can be the most traumatizing....lovers. I've experienced (and sometimes still do) the desire to actually "will" a relationship into a bond that will always be pleasant and last forever, only to come to the disappointing realization that it won't.
It seems that whenever I placed that "BFF" badge on someone, there's an unrealistic expectation that I'd place on the poor fool, and as I've learned where there are expectations..make room for disappointment (there goes that word again)!!!
Moving along, some of you can identify with the euphoria of falling in Love (romantic relationships) just having that unwavering belief that "This is the one"!!! Only to subsequently realize that indeed they are not. Knock down drag-outs with parents and siblings are usually also incorporated into the heartburn inducing pot of "Relationship Gumbo" we've been brewing for years. Sometimes we wonder, "Is it my fault that these bonds are often tarnished or in some cases broken"?
After over 2 decades of this recurring "wet, lather, rinse and repeat", in a long awaited moment of clarity, (some moments last longer and are more revealing than others) I finally had an epiphany or a breakthrough if you will.
The startling revelation that I had was...this is the way it's supposed to be!!!
Everyone that has ever come into your life was placed there for a reason. Each relationship is designed to teach us something, no matter how trivial the lesson may be, They are ALL important. It takes more than one failed love (sometimes many) to mold us and shape us into individuals who are equipped to give and receive love. I've learned something from EVERY lover..even if the lesson is merely learning what I don't want in a lover. Our friends are not placed on this earth to do our bidding and "Yes" us to death. They're barometers that can see in us what we often don't see in ourselves. It's human nature to want love in our lives, however, we have to understand that when we form bonds with someone that they are just as complex and individual as we are. Not all relationships are meant to last forever. Sometimes we're just meant to hold a hand down a particular path and let go at the end of it until someone comes along to lend a hand down the next one. None of our past connections were a waste of time unless you didn't derive the valuable life lesson or opportunity to grow that's attached to it.
Embrace who you are as an individual, love yourself, accept yourself. Eventually you'll find that loving and accepting others for who they are have become second nature. The payoff is....you form bonds and friendships that are with you through many paths and the "walk" becomes more interesting. Be fair and open minded...this way you learn the most about yourself, the person with whom a lasting relationship with is the most important. I accept you, I embrace you....in doing so, I embrace Me!!!